You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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