Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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