U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
