How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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