# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
