If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
