Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
