Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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