I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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