Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
