I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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