All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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