My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize