I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
