I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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