i was born a porn star she said
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
