i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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