The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize