Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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