but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
