your room smells of hookers.
And success
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
