he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
