im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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