Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
