When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize