Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
