Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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