The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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