At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
