while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
