you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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