I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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