the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
