My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
