I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
