I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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