i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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