can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
