I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
