AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
