Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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