you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
