dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
