the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
