This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My pussy is not your playground.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You don't make any sense
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