i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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