my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
