The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
