I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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