We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
