You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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