first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
