put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
