I am in a vortex of obligation.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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