All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The Olympian is in my bed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
