I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
