Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
