Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
